Bitter
by imperfectandchaotic
Summary: Wherein Blaine reflects on Kurt, Sectionals, and this very ugly taste that seems to be invading his mouth lately every time he speaks. Set in/Spoilers for 'Special Education'. Complete


**Bitter**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Glee. _

**Note: **Other than the Finchel split and the confusing snap in what I thought was Blaine's character, it was all around an amazing episode. I want someone to tell me I'm magic haha. And I also wish I could dance. I heart Rachel and Kurt's warm fuzziness. They need a million more scenes together.

General spoilers for 'Special Education'. Should have probably put that at the beginning of this note, huh?

* * *

_I wasn't aware that caring was frowned upon. _

_Did you notice that we all wear uniforms around here? _

The shock and hurt is only there for the briefest of seconds before Kurt's face flashes back to that carefully controlled composure he's been keeping at Dalton. Blaine regrets the words—and the ones that follow—as soon as they leave his mouth, leaving a decidedly unpleasant taste behind. In an attempt to salvage the conversation, he tilts his head to catch the younger boy's eye.

_You'll fit in soon enough. I promise._

Blaine isn't sure it works. That smile isn't even half as convincing as he's known it to be. He walks away, trying to simultaneously reassure himself that it's what Kurt needs to hear, and berate himself for coming down on the newcomer so harshly.

Kurt's solo nearly had him in tears. It made his heart hurt and beat faster all at the same time. Not that anyone is ever going to know that.

**k.b**

_Being a Warbler's great, but I don't think they appreciate my individuality as much as you guys did. _

He doesn't mean to eavesdrop. Really. Wes and David throw him each pointed looks as Blaine wanders out of the green room in search of Kurt, who has mysteriously vanished. Blaine stamps down the sudden irrational fear that Kurt has bailed (because of what he said?) and finds him at the refreshment counter with a girl that is obviously in New Directions from the way she smiles at him. The words that float over from just a few feet away stop Blaine in his tracks.

Don't appreciate his...? A fierce, unexpected kind of anger knots in the elder boy's gut. Of course Blaine appreciates his—damn it. Kurt's individuality is the most beautiful thing about him, but this realization comes too belatedly to be of any good to anyone. The last thing Blaine wants to do is send Kurt too many signals; signals that he doesn't need, and signals that Blaine isn't even sure he's sending properly. Or at all.

Right now he just really wants to beat his head against the wall. Fortunately, the ding of the places call prevents any self-harm.

He touches Kurt's shoulder and says 'Hey,' to...Rachel? As if they're anything more than passing competitors. As if they both know Kurt well enough to pretend they could be friends. But she's beat him there, hasn't she? Even as rivals, perhaps most especially so, Rachel knows Kurt. Understands what it means to _try _and _want _and _be noticed_. Blaine turns with Kurt to leave before he can admit to himself that he's jealous.

She has to tell Kurt to smile. What does that say about Kurt? About everything? Blaine wants to turn to Kurt and ask, but he has to keep smiling and singing and pretending he owns this stage as well as anyone. When Rachel is the first one on her feet, followed by the rest of McKinley's glee club and the remaining audience members, Blaine knows it's not for him or the Warblers.

It's for the piece of New Directions that's so obviously missing.

**k.b**

**I need your help. Come quick.**

He half-runs. When it's just Pavoratti, the sickening feeling dwindles to something not-so breathtaking. Kurt's relief is plain on his face, and something that feels suspiciously like regret makes Blaine's heart twinge.

_Just give it time. He'll be singing again in no time. _

When he looks back at Kurt the boy's eyes are still closed, but the mask he's been holding onto so tightly slips. He looks so tired. Blaine opens his mouth, but instead of _I'm not just talking about the bird, _or asking if everything's okay (which he _should_) a reminder of Warbler's practice is what comes out. Even as Kurt smiles wanly at the gentle knock of shoulders, Regionals is clearly the last thing on his mind.

Blaine wants to kick himself. Instead, he pats Kurt's knee and rises. He leaves without looking back even though he wants to, and swallows that unpleasant taste in his mouth again.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the sort-of bashing. I love Blaine. I do. The weird flip was just confusing. And irritating. Thoughts? HOW EXCITED ARE YOU FOR A VERY GLEE CHRISTMAS?

Annie


End file.
